Te Amo
by dixieme
Summary: The diary of eighteen year old Lily Evans
1. Chapter 1

Te Amo

Sunday, 1st January 1978

I've not kept a diary for a few years so I'd better fill you in…

Why is everything so complicated? I mean, seriously. The shit that's going on in my life right now is the sort of thing you'd expect to find in the agony aunt column of Witch Weekly.

Why, you might ask? Well, for one thing, there's a war going on outside Hogwarts. Everyday people are going missing or getting killed by a raging psychopath who calls himself 'Lord Voldemort'. He'll stop at nothing to gain power over our world and even the Ministry are afraid of him. He's targeting anyone who isn't 'pure' which is totally hypocritical as he isn't even a pure blood himself!

As if that wasn't bad enough, Severus has been trying to talk to me again. He's been sending me letters anonymously but I know they're from him. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't want to go down that road again. He showed his true colours by hanging around idiots like Avery and Mulciber who actually _support _Voldemort's views. In fifth year he called me a 'Mudblood' in front of the whole school and I saw how much he'd changed. He came up to our common room to apologise to me after but I wouldn't listen. I barely recognised the person he'd become so being friends was pointless. I got over him pretty quickly but he still doesn't seem able to get over me. I feel sorry for him but he's brought it on himself, really.

Breaking up with him has actually done me favours in the sense that I've made loads more friends now. Zanya and Lottie are Ravenclaws I met at charms club and I've also befriended James, Sirius and Peter. I've been in the same house as them for years but we were never on speaking terms. In all honesty they used to annoy me with their immaturity. They'd always be pulling stupid pranks in the middle of class and I'd feel on edge just being near them. It was Remus who introduced me to their nice side. When we did our perfecting duties together he'd tell me crazy stories about them that made me see them in a different light.

Eventually, we started hanging out at weekends or on random school nights and it all went from there. My best friends (Jess and Mary) hit it off with them too so now we're one big group. It makes life a lot more colourful.

The real drama started before the Christmas holidays when we decided it would be a fun idea to get pissed off our faces. Gryffindor had won a Quidditch match against Ravenclaw and James was on a high. Sirius dashed up to his room to fetch his (illegal) supply of firewhisky and we drained it within half an hour. I swear to God, I'll never drink again- it was that embarrassing! I ended up disclosing that I'd never been kissed so Jessica grabbed my face and pulled me in for one. I was barely aware of what I was doing, let alone the fact that the entire common room was watching. She then started to run her hands down my body and I pulled away from her in shock. I ran off to the toilets looking like I'd been stupefied. Ten minutes later I was still in there, wondering what the best way to avoid everyone was when she appeared round the door. "Babe, come back" she said, smiling at me like nothing whatsoever had happened. She grabbed my hand but I escaped by pretending I was tired and wasted and needed to sleep (mostly true).

I know I probably overreacted but come on; it was my first kiss! I was expecting it to be awkward between us the next day but she treated me like she normally does and we managed to avoid talking about it. When the guys brought it up, smirking, she laughed and winked at me. And that was it.

The story of that night has spread round the school like wildfire since then and been greatly exaggerated. People seem to be under the delusion that I'm lesbian. According to Sirius a couple of fourth years have been swearing me and Jess had went to bed together and wapped out a bunch of sex toys! He grinned and told me to invite him next time. I hit him over the head with my charms textbook; I wasn't impressed.

Love,

Lily


	2. Chapter 2

Sunday 8th January 1978

I don't actually know how people manage to keep up with their diaries every day. I mean, it's a lot of effort when you've got an ever expanding pile of N.E.W.T coursework plus a load of extra reading to catch up on. The teachers are giving us exam lectures pretty much every lesson now and it's making everyone feel suicidal. Well, except for James and Sirius, obviously. I don't know how they can be so blasé about the whole thing. The only thing they seem to care about is Quidditch!

Yesterday we all trooped down to the pitch to watch Gryffindor play against Slytherin. We met up with Lottie and Zanya in the stands who'd decided to paint their faces red for the occasion. They offered to do mine but not wanting to look like a ginger tomato, I declined the offer.

None of us girls like Quidditch that much (or just sport in general) so whilst Sirius was screaming, booing and clapping like a madman we huddled round for our weekly gossip. Not being in the same house means we don't get to talk as much as we'd like so we had a lot of catching up to do. Apparently, some girl in the year below is pregnant but they didn't know who. It might just be a rumour though; I know more than anyone how things can get blown out of proportion at this place. My friends have only _just _stopped making jokes about that night.

I'm glad about that because having it brought up again and again in the conversation is downright embarrassing. Jess was able to laugh it off but I'd get pissed and start sulking. It's okay for her because she's gotten off with practically every guy in the school so people think she was just messing around like usual. My track record, on the other hand, is squeaky clean so it looks like I made a move on her deliberately. As if!

The truth is, I've kind of got a thing for James Potter. I've never told anyone that because it would be round the school in no time and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye ever again. I don't know what he'd do if he knew; he used to fancy me but stopped asking me out when we became friends. Since then he's not given me any indication that he's still interested. I wish I could've realised what he was really like and said yes two years ago.

I can't believe I thought he wasn't anything special. I remember the time when Severus got really jealous and accused me of fancying him. Back then I'd laughed and told him he was crazily paranoid thinking I'd ever have feelings for James. How ironic. Now I see that he's popular, brave, clever and funny. He's also extremely talented at Quidditch and could probably play professionally if he wanted to. I told this to Lottie who gave me a dirty wink and said it's because he's skilled with his hands. Another bonus.

Gryffindor won the match in the end but a couple of the players ended up in the hospital wing with broken bones; the Slytherins play dirty. I watched James dismounting his broom and running to help them. He was spattered with mud and his hair was sticking up in all directions. His hair used to do my head in but now I just want to ruffle it up every time I see it.

Sirius ran down to congratulate him and we followed, lagging behind. When we finally got down there, they'd both been swallowed by the crowd so we gave up looking for them and trudged back to the castle. The party wasn't going to start until all the players had returned from the hospital wing so we stayed together and mooched about in an empty classroom.

Zanya started bitching about Larissa, James' crazy possessive stalker of a new girlfriend. She's a sixth year Ravenclaw who would most certainly murder me if I attempted to take her 'man' away from her. I'm not kidding. She once tried to poison a third year who made out with her ex. It didn't end well.

Mary thinks they'll split up within the next few weeks when James realises what a psycho she is but I doubt that. She'll find a way to dig her claws in somehow. Whenever we do our head duties together she 'accidentally' bumps into us and spends the rest of the night holding his hand and pushing him against random walls to kiss him in front of me. I swear she's does it on purpose to make me jealous. The annoying thing is, it actually works!

Last week, their public displays of affection reached such a sickeningly sexual level that I decided enough was enough and stormed back to my dorm alone, determined to prove a point. I wasn't going to put up with her being there anymore. I don't think James has taken the hint but let's see shall we?

Love,

Lily


	3. Chapter 3

Sunday 15th January 1978

Ok, so remember when I promised I'd never drink again? I lied. It was bloody Sirius, tempting me. He's amazing at persuading people to do things; I used to think James was the ringleader of their little group but Sirius is the _real _mastermind behind it. James is just the mouthpiece.

We were having another of our famous Quidditch celebration parties in the common room (Slytherin had just been slaughtered by Hufflepuff) when Sirius came over, grabbed my arm and tried to force me to go down to the kitchens with him for more butterbeer. I told him to get stuffed but he gestured over at James and Larissa practically dry humping in the corner and I was only too happy to leave.

I soon realised he had ulterior motives in asking _me _to come with him. He told me he fancied Jess and wanted me to help hook them up seeing as I'm her best friend and can therefore persuade her into liking him. He wanted to know what she thinks of him but to be honest I have no idea! She's said that he's a "really good-looking guy" but that's the extent of it. Due to the fact she hasn't kissed him yet, I'm guessing she only sees him as a friend. I didn't tell him that though, obviously.

We stayed in the kitchens for a bit longer than anticipated because Sirius decided he was hungry. It annoys me that he manages to eat so much junk food and still stay slim. If I ate all that stuff I'd be the size of a whale by now! He started revealing more of his feelings for her which I found really funny as I knew he'd never dream of telling me those things sober. In return, I told him about my slight crush on James, wanting to finally get it off my chest and thinking he'd forget everything I'd said in the morning.

His face lit up when he found out. He can't stand Larissa and thinks I'd be a far better substitute. He then came up with a plan to make our two best mates extremely jealous and hence want to go out with us. It involved lots (and lots) of alcohol.

Back in the common room, the party was well under way with the sofas taken up by overly intoxicated fifth years and everyone else dancing round them. Remus was the only one looking as though he wasn't enjoying himself; a third year had come on to him and then puked all down his tee-shirt. I nearly weed myself laughing at him. Sirius grabbed a couple of bottles and passed one to me with a cheeky grin. I drunk until I started to feel excited and up for what we were about to do.

He took my hand in his and we started dancing. He turned me round so I was facing James and then let the grinding commence. It felt good to give him a taste of his own medicine. Sirius then moved my hair from my neck and started to kiss the skin. I don't know whether the liquor was colouring my impression of the whole thing but I absolutely loved it. He spun me round and pressed his lips against mine. I was totally lost in the experience at this point and oblivious to the watching crowd. My hands wandered up to his hair and his ended up cupping my bumcheeks. A couple of people wolf-whistled and someone shouted that we should get a room. Sirius flashed them the V and carried on kissing me. When I felt him getting semi-hard against my leg I pulled away, laughing, and he slapped my ass. Usually I would've complained but it seemed like the funniest thing in the world at the time.

James' face was priceless. He'd actually managed to prise his mouth away from his girlfriend's and it was hanging open in shock. I sauntered over to Mary and we went up to the dorm together. Jess hadn't stuck round to watch the rest of the kiss and was already up there. I think Sirius' plan to catch her attention worked as she was unusually quiet and didn't seem interested when Mary grilled me on all the gory details. So far, so good.

Love,

Lily


End file.
